The pain is back again, and this time I cannot seem to switch it off.  My heart is beating like it’s getting ready to burst out of my chest. My throat is tightening. I cannot breath. My eyes are filling with water,which only causes them to sting. I need food but not enough for me to crave an appetite. My joints ache from exhaustion. My muscles tighten as the pressure builds up. I can feel my blood rushing through my veins. My skin is cold to the touch, but not cold enough for me to shiver. I do not feel anything but my body and mind are directing me to thoughts. The imaginary audience are back, and they are talking about me. They are looking at me with smirks and swallowing eyes. The people who I thought were friends are pushing me away. But I’m doing the same. The people that do care, I’m beginning to shut myself away from. The question of why? Is unanswerable. Waking up in the mornings is draining. Falling asleep at night seems impossible. Controlling the mind is a constant struggle. I want to be like that person who doesn’t seem to fight everyday. The one who can be loud and confident without caring what people around them think. The individual who can accept their personal struggles and make that change. 

* These are the comments I have heard from people around me  aswell as being that person who has felt and been through these experiences. You cannot just change a person’s perspective of their life. They need time and comfort from those around them, and with time they will heal. 

~ M

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